European Chair Throwing Championships marred by football

By Seb Lemons reporting from Marseille.
Several Football matches broke out this weekend in yet another disappointing episode for English Chair Throwing. An ECTA spokesman said “This tournament has been very carefully planned but the police seem to be totally unprepared for ball kicking.”
Charlie Fence, treasurer of the official England fan club said “We bought our tickets months ago. We’ve turned up at the stadium, all excited to see the furniture fly, and then they lock the doors and the ultras start playing soccer. I couldn’t bear to watch.”
England team captain Kerry Vickers’ husband got caught up in the soccer. “Jerry was just on his way to watch our opening match and the hardcore fans – or ‘coaches’ – ambushed his group and he ended up playing left back. Disgusting.”
Vickers, a veteran of the furniture-based sport, has worked her way up slowly from the bar stool minor leagues to the Sofa World Premiership and was quick to voice her displeasure at what might turn out to be the only major tournament of her career. “I’ve dreamt of throwing in this tournament since I was a nipper. We’d play in the IKEA car park round the back of my estate, jumpers for chairs, and stop and stare when they made a delivery. I finally made it here and now they’re talking about cancelling the tournament!”
It’s another in a long line of controversies for chair throwing. The sport’s governing body, FICTA (Le Federation de International Chair Throwing Associations) are currently being investigated after a large amount of change was found down the back of one of their official sofas and Joao Nero, manager of club side Morley Chuckers, has recently settled a sexual discrimination dispute with the club’s former upholsterer.

Joe Bor is Fixated on The Backstreet Boys and Made in Chelsea | Fixated Ep 13

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Joe Bor is a hugely likeable comedian who not only performs stand-up regularly in comedy clubs around the UK, but also appears as character Jasper Cromwell-Jones and does TV warm-up for shows like Mock the Week and The Graham Norton Show.
In this episode, Joe reveals that he is a boy band fan and has a special place in his heart for The Backstreet Boys! We also touch on his love of Made in Chelsea, on which we do not see eye-to-eye, and Joe drops a few names and admits to his celebrity selfie addiction.
You can find Joe at www.joebor.co.uk, or on twitter @josephbor
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Stuart Goldsmith is fixated on NETRUNNER! Fixated Ep 12

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Stu Goldsmith is an incredibly charming, charismatic and quick-witted comedian who is known for, amongst other things, his hugely popular podcast ‘The Comedians Comedian’. When not charming the pants off audiences and discussing comedians’ writing processes, he loves playing strategy games. In this episode of Fixated, we discuss his current obsession with the game Android: Netrunner.
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During the course of our discussion, we touch on varied subjects, including (but not limited to):
  • brotherly love,
  • competitive cuddling,
  • comedian Richard Sandling’s concept of a “double agent”,
  • netrunner podcasts Terminal7 and Agenda7,
  • what a card game has in common with brazilian jiu jitsu,
  • the comedian James “knee deep in pussy” Acaster…and…
  • the origin of Stu’s accidental podcast catchphrase “eggy pause”!!!
You can and should, nay must, listen to Stu’s podcast at 

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Bad Jazz and badgers! Ben Van Der Velde is fixated on The BEATLES! Fixated Ep 11

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In the first episode of 2015, Tom is joined by comedian Ben Van Der Velde who tells us all about his love of The Beatles. Topics covered include the various types of bad jazz, the dubious logic of boxing weights and which fab four songs describe Edinburgh previews and the comedy circuit.
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Ben can be found at www.benvandervelde.com or on twitter @BenVanDerVelde, and his lovely comedy club The Good Ship is online at www.thegoodship.co.uk/comedy on twitter @goodshipcomedy and on facebook, www.facebook.com/TheGoodShipComedyClub. Finally, check out his podcast at www.thetangentlemen.com.
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The music is Somehows and Somewhats from the album Deltas…

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Mark Davison is fixated on The Cure, plus diary-keeping and list-making! Fixated Ep 10

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Need a new name for Pac-man? We’ve got it in this episode! I’m not quite sure how we got there considering Mark Davison (aka Mr Susie) listed his obsessions as list-making, diary keeping and The Cure. But we did, so there. We discuss emotional admin and have some useful advice if you ever encounter a crocodile. Is Mark a “Dick Whittington twat?” What made us say “poetry? Fuck yes!” Find out in this episode – it’s the big 1-0 (ten, not one-nil).
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You should definitely check out Mark in his many guises, like Mr Susie, or as Ian Fiveankles with the other Exploding Heads in How Will They Line Up. His website is bovismavis.wordpress.com and he’s on twitter @iamthemonkey or @mrsusiecomedy.
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Andrew Watts is fixated on Granville Sharp | Fixated Ep 9

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Comedian Andrew Watts gets historical. I met up with Andrew before he dashed off to perform his critically-acclaimed Edinburgh Fringe show ‘Feminism for Chaps’ to talk about his hero and a key figure in the abolition of the slave trade, Granville Sharp.

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Andrew and I discussed all sorts including finding your true calling, why you should always keep the receipt, and why Abraham Lincoln isn’t a patch on old Granny.

You can find Andrew at www.andrewwattscomedy.co.uk and on twitter @theandrewwatts.

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The music is Somehows and Somewhats from the album Deltas of Matacumbo by Cosmic…

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John Hastings is fixated on professional WRESTLING! It’s Fixated episode 8.

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John Hastings is a great comedian from Canada now based in the UK. He takes a break from recording his own ‘Anything can be a Podcast’ podcast to talk to me about his love of the only sport where you “can watch a policeman fight a mythical ninja from Mars”… Professional wrestling! Over the course of the hour, John and I discuss the common traits of wrestlers and comedians, Beakman’s World and the link between Owen Hart and Rod Hull (listen first then scroll to the bottom of this post for more*). John also manages to plug podcasts by Colt Cabana (The Art of Wrestling), Steve Austin and Brendon Burns, but listen to this one first! For more on pro wrestling events in the UK, I recommend Progress.
Find John at www.johnhastingscomedy.com or on twitter @thejohnhastings.
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